Something BIG?

I became a christian in the summer 2005. To me, it seems a lifetime ago, but in reality it wasn't. I remember a conversation with my youth pastor at that time-- I remember telling him that I didn't know what God had in store me in the future but I felt like it was something big. Something important.

For many years I felt it was a calling towards missions. I loved going on missions trips and doing God's work in the mission field. Now that I think back, I was most interested in missions because I didn't fit anywhere. I had no place really in my family, after high school I hardly talked to any of my friends that I grew up with for 13 years, and I didn't possess any particular skill that would get me very far in life. I was lost and was constantly trying to "get to the mission field". I tried many times to get to Bible College so I could learn more about God's word and so I would have more opportunities towards missions. But, try as I might, I never prevailed.

God had other plans for me. In November of 2009 I met the love of my life, Lucas. And by June 2010 we were married! Whew, did that man take my life into full speed! I had much to learn as a new wife... I never realized how lost I really was until I look back to who I was before Lucas. God sent me the answers to my prayers through Lucas. My man isn't interested in money (well, I mean he is, but it's not his goal in life!), he's not interested in being in the CEO of some big corporation, he's not interested in fancy things (except for his guns and knives!), and he wasn't interested in having a modern wife. He didn't want a career woman or a women's rights leader, he was looking for his Help Meet. Little did I know what that was when I first got married!

He informed me that once we started having children that he wanted me to stay home, and then once they old enough he wanted me to home school the children... "Whoa, hold it mister! I'm not qualified for any of this! I wasn't raised to be a house wife, or a stay at home mother!"... It took many hours of talking to Lucas, talking to God, talking to my Mother-in-law to finally see that I didn't have to be qualified or raised to be these things-- these were the things God had intended me to be. He was my teacher and all I needed. Since being married I have learned A LOT! And I have never felt more "right" with myself or "right" with God. I don't feel like I need to be anywhere else. Yes, I do get restless somedays when all the house work is done and all I can think of doing is twiddling my thumbs but these times will pass and we'll have little ones to keep me busy for many, many years!

God thinks very highly of women and has given us a grave responsibilty-- he calls it "building a nation". How powerfully is that? We as women, if we decide to pick up the torch, have one of the most influencial and important jobs in life-- raising children and building a strong home for our family. God gave us this responsibility and too many women have dropped the ball running after selfish ambitions and dreams. Well, I am not going to be one of those women. I have much to learn but with God on my side and Lucas on my other I will succeed as long as I keep in mind what my true job is as a woman. God doesn't want sissy women, he needs strong, courageous women who are willing to sacrifice themselves for the Kingdom. And I can only hope that I grow and learn to be one of those women, and when I go Home I can only pray He will say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

So, my idea of "something big" back in 2005 was a bit off of what it is today, but I know that God has me hear and no one else can fill my place. I have a job to do, and even though it's not exactly mission work, I still have a mission. To respect and love my husband, to build up our home to be strong, to bear and raise Godly children, and to "build a nation".